I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
