What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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