dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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