I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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