were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
