i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
