her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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