...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
