She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
