i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I think I sprained my soul last night
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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