even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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