So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
