Well douche your snatch and let's go!
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Sorry my hands just texted you
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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