I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
