The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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