Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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