Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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