so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
