he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
