I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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