I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize