You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
