I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So drunk its hurt
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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