I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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