Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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