I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
