guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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