Umm I'm too high to move.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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