I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
