His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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