I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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