i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
