I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
