I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Two words: nipple clamps
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