the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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