I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
