if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
