I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
