You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize