"it" just moved
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
