How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
