what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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