Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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