tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
why do cheetos always look like penises
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
