he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
