haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
