i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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