Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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