Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
