just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
