Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
