I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
