I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
