Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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