after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
