No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
