i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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