He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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