Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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