Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I think I sprained my soul last night
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
