I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Randomize
