So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
