i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize