he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
