There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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