That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
