im drinking this country out of the recession.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize