Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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