Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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