If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
