Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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