i think i have two assholes
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
