You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
