I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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