Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
