I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
